I Must

       Good evening world!  Tonight is a night that marks a turning point in my life.  Why?  Because I have decided it will be so.  After deciding I needed to live with more vulnerability and emotional accessibility 9 nights ago, an interesting situation happened.  The night after I came to this decision ( 8 nights ago) I received a phone call at approximately 11:30 pm, from 'Mamacita', also known as my fabulous Mexican mother.  After greeting me, she asked me directly how I was doing, in a religious sense.  Her mother spidey sense had been tingling apparently, because she had gathered that there was something peculiar surrounding my religiosity.  She was right.  Though I was raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon), for approximately the last 4 years I have been fairly certain I was no longer interested in being a member of this religion, for a wide variety of reason which are not crucial to this post.  Anyways, after my mother inquired after these things, I felt my guts squirm around and then yell to my brain "if not now, then when?". So I told her how I felt, and how I have felt for quite some time.  I cried, because I'm gooey sometimes, and I laughed, because I can't take myself seriously.  Up until I feel I have not been clear enough about what a life changing ordeal this has been.  Let me just say that when I had told both my mother and father, I wept from relief, because there was no more pretending, because I had spilled my guts, and for once had said how I was feeling.
       So my guts are all out to my family, and now i've spilled them on the internet. I'm ready to change, I'm ready to stop dinking around pretending that I'm someone I'm not, and pretending that  I believe things which I don't.  After reading 'The Minimalists' blog post about day one, I decided it was a challenge which I would like to take on for the time being.  (I'll post the link at the bottom).  I'm about to make crazy stuff happen in my life, and it's going to be beautiful, and painful, and a whole variety of other things.  Here is my list, inspired by their blog post:

I must love more, including myself
I must write more
I must save my money
I must be more generous
I must make plans, AND STICK WITH THEM
I must be honest and open with myself
I must make myself more emotionally available
I must apply to 4 or more potential transfer universities
I must exercise 5+ days a week
I must stop wasting money and stupid foods and little stuffs
I must eat healthy
I must eat less
I must get rid of all this junk
I MUST CHANGE



http://www.theminimalists.com/21days/day1-2/