I MADE A DRESS

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I made this dress in like an hour or two today.  I'm pretty proud, and these pictures are not very cute, but it's okay.  Also, this is just a prototype, I made it out of $2/per yard fabric I got from wal-mart, so I could get familiar with the process of making it.  That last girl is my roommate, about to moon the camera.  I almost died my hair turquoise today.  Also, this is part of my goal to create more, and to write more! Peanut butter hell yeah time!

Stuffing

I face serious issues in my life on a daily basis.  It's part of being human.  Today it was this:
To be or not to be...
Beyoncakira (beyonce + shakira) or a Minimalist

Because I am not capable of being Beyoncakira, I just went with the flow and did the whole 'minimalistic' thing.  I gathered all my nuts for the winter.  AKA, I stuffed all my shit in boxes.  It's part of the whole 21 day journey thing.   So, that's great.

More importantly, I realized that I'm always left with poop skids on my plate.  Allow me to translate. Or don't.  I'm afraid a lot - I'm afraid of emotional and physical intimacy, which is ridiculous.  I'm afraid of going for something I love and being rejected.  I'm afraid of sticking my head out of the window of a car and having my friend slowly role the window up because their body accidentally let in a demon spirit, and so I am left pinched between glass and some fiberglass frame with my eyes bulging.  Because I have so much anxiety surrounding my fear, I always avoid making decisions, and when I do make decisions I avoid committing to them.  This leads to me and the poop skids. Or poop's kids, whichever way you want it, they're both not ideal.  I don't commit because I am afraid and as a result eventually all of my options fall away, until there is one skiddy diddy left.  This happens in my love life.  This happened to my college selecting process.  Well, I'm saying NO MORE.
Here's the plan;
I'm tired of going to school where I go to school. So I'm transferring!.. and dropping out next semester.
I'm going to work on my portfolio and auditions for the potential transfer candidate schools, and after auditions I will leave the U.S for France, and the rest of Europe if I feel like it.  I'm tired of the U.S. too.  I will stay there for a while, and come back when I need/want to.  I am committing to this plan, because I'm gonna do it.  That's good enough for life. That's good enough for me.

What I did today to accomplish this nasty?
-I started packing all my crap, and re-listed my apartment for sale on craigslist. I also just participated in a general pumping up, of sorts.

I Must

       Good evening world!  Tonight is a night that marks a turning point in my life.  Why?  Because I have decided it will be so.  After deciding I needed to live with more vulnerability and emotional accessibility 9 nights ago, an interesting situation happened.  The night after I came to this decision ( 8 nights ago) I received a phone call at approximately 11:30 pm, from 'Mamacita', also known as my fabulous Mexican mother.  After greeting me, she asked me directly how I was doing, in a religious sense.  Her mother spidey sense had been tingling apparently, because she had gathered that there was something peculiar surrounding my religiosity.  She was right.  Though I was raised as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormon), for approximately the last 4 years I have been fairly certain I was no longer interested in being a member of this religion, for a wide variety of reason which are not crucial to this post.  Anyways, after my mother inquired after these things, I felt my guts squirm around and then yell to my brain "if not now, then when?". So I told her how I felt, and how I have felt for quite some time.  I cried, because I'm gooey sometimes, and I laughed, because I can't take myself seriously.  Up until I feel I have not been clear enough about what a life changing ordeal this has been.  Let me just say that when I had told both my mother and father, I wept from relief, because there was no more pretending, because I had spilled my guts, and for once had said how I was feeling.
       So my guts are all out to my family, and now i've spilled them on the internet. I'm ready to change, I'm ready to stop dinking around pretending that I'm someone I'm not, and pretending that  I believe things which I don't.  After reading 'The Minimalists' blog post about day one, I decided it was a challenge which I would like to take on for the time being.  (I'll post the link at the bottom).  I'm about to make crazy stuff happen in my life, and it's going to be beautiful, and painful, and a whole variety of other things.  Here is my list, inspired by their blog post:

I must love more, including myself
I must write more
I must save my money
I must be more generous
I must make plans, AND STICK WITH THEM
I must be honest and open with myself
I must make myself more emotionally available
I must apply to 4 or more potential transfer universities
I must exercise 5+ days a week
I must stop wasting money and stupid foods and little stuffs
I must eat healthy
I must eat less
I must get rid of all this junk
I MUST CHANGE



http://www.theminimalists.com/21days/day1-2/